I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
