My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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