Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
