In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
