I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
