He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
