So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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