I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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