party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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