i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
