One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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