Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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