I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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