also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
The air taste purple.
Randomize
