I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
