He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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