my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
