I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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