Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
