Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Small penises have feelings too.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
