Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
