i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
