Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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