allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
