You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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