Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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