I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
