The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
