Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
