Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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