i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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