Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
