I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
