i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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