i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
