the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
