Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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