don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
