This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
