i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
