So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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