just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
