Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
What drink are we having for lunch?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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