Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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