I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
