i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Are my feet made of real feet?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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