I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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