Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
