even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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