dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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