can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
