I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize