Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
