The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
