In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
