Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He passed out mid-signature
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
