Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
