How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
