My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
