It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
