thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
