so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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